Anhedonia
... a virtual BFA thesis exhibition
Anhedonia is the lack of joy. In psychology it is more specifically the loss of pleasure when describing symptoms of depression. I wanted to make work that opened up a conversation about such feelings and enabled people to see the different mental spaces a person could be in at any given time.
Joy
When thinking about what joy looked like, I began thinking about things I find joy in and what they have in common while also thinking about what characteristics “joy” typically holds. I knew the pieces would be bright and warm in color while bursting, blooming, or growing in some way. This all came up in conversation with others about what they thought joy looks like as well. Also thinking about it from an art therapy perspective, it would be a softer material. When thinking about my own personal experiences with joy I came up with the following visually descriptive words: warm, growing, organic, creative, fluid. Through these, I decided to use fiber arts, more specifically crochet due to my own personal context.
Numbness
When the joy is not igniting in the making of these fiber objects, the heart begins to turn hard and numb. After the crochet passions lose their color, they also start to lose their comforting feeling and begin turning into more rigid structures. The shift from the soft comforting material of crochet into this hard and stiff material of ceramics helps to show that emotional shift. This grows to become what is known as emotional numbness. A feeling as though one is just going through the motions of life, commonly feeling they are completely alone. Ceramics has the ability to do many things. In this way of handling, I’ve used it to emphasize this bland, unmotivated, blankness by leaving the pieces in what is typically considered a middle stage and unfinished.
Despair
The hardest experience was also the hardest to address. From the numbness grows this dark, cold, sharp, heavy, feeling of despair. This feeling of being pulled down, falling into an abyss of sorrow, is shown through the use of nylon and stones. The weight of each emerging from the numb emptiness that it accompanies.
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I, myself, have been to this low point before. It was through the arts that I found my joy again. I made this piece to remind people that they are not alone in feeling this way. That many other people have been able to see the high points of joy again, even after being at the point of these lowly stones.
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I was so scared of what was going on inside my head but was also afraid to tell anyone about it. I found that as soon as I did, I felt some weight lifted. If you're reading this and want to talk to someone, there is a number below that provides confidential trained crisis workers 24/7. Clicking the purple box will take you to their website to learn more.
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National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
1-800-273-TALK (8255)
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